i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
