look no pants
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize