i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
