i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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