so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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