you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
