apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i've created a new STD.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Two words: blizzard sex
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
