that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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