Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
