wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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