Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
