I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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