Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
