my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize