Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
pray to the hookup gods
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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