It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
