Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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