im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
