remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
