you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
