Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
