i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
