You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
