your parents love me but you hate me
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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