Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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