when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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