I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
