Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
