She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
