I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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