She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
