Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You took a bar mat shot.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
