I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
