Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
