Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
