they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
