Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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