I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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