just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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