paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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