then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
