you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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