I love black thongs
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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