hotel room ftw
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
