My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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