He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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