there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
