but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
