We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The feeling are messing with the penis
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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