Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
