i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
