Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
