The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
