I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sext me about skeletons
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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