i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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