Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
