Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
