Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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