I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
