meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
