What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
