i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My brain says no but my pants say off.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
