it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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