im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
