I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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