Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
