and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
