Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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