My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
