If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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