please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
